Oh God, Oh God, why have I deserted you?
Curse my sinful heart that wanders constantly from your court. What kind of wretch continues to stray after finding grace? How dark is my nature that it runs away from you? How did I run away from home?
Did I run because I can’t go home? I mean, home is coming on the wings of your return, and until that day I am homeless. Home is a long time coming. You have given me the deed, just to give me hope. Still, I keep walking off the path. I am deep in the forest of my own failure with no idea how to get back. I was too rebellious to follow directions, and now I can’t even find them. Forgive my chronic lack of trust, oh my King.
It’s not that I don’t trust you, I don’t trust myself. I don’t deserve your kingdom, and I don’t deserve your interest. Yet, there is no other hope for me. I am lost and blind. I have no light and no reference. I am truly hopeless without you. God, I have no idea why you want me. I don’t want myself. Yet, the cross is your answer. Somehow, you wanted me, and you wanted me so desperately that you gave your life for mine. What am I that you would do this for me? I am a blind rebel that chose to ignore you long ago. Why do you love me? Will I ever know? Will I have to wait until you come back to know? Probably.
I have no other hope except the hope you have given me. You have sworn to heal me. You have pledged my renewal. This is a hope that I could not have. I can only receive it from you. So come and find me. I am in the forest of my own despair, lost and confused. You can find me by my old sin, waiting for your glorious light.
This is not the view of First Alliance Church
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